Wealthy woman has driven a wedge between me and my close cousin

The two of them talk endlessly about expensive stores and cruises, making me feel like the poor relation, a reader tells Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen

I have been going out for lunch with my cousin for many years now and I have enjoyed her company immensely. However, about three years ago, a mutual friend (but mainly my cousin’s pal) retired and asked if she could start coming to lunch with us. I wasn’t too happy if I’m honest, but my cousin said yes, so I accepted it.

I don’t know, maybe I’m the problem, but they both have money and are always talking about the expensive stores they shop in and all the holidays and cruises they go on. I’m left out and feel myself zoning out of their conversations.

I’ve started making excuses not to have lunch with them now because it does upset me, and I don’t feel as though I have anything in common with them any more.

Of course, I’ve always known my cousin is well off, but it never really affected me until the friend joined us. Is it just jealousy do you think?

I’m very sad that it’s affecting me like this, but I don’t feel like I have anything to talk about with them any more. I would appreciate your input on what I should do.

Coleen says

I think it’s maybe a bit of envy, which is understandable, and that might be a bit to do with their money, but also about their friendship. We think we grow out of these feelings – like when you see your best friend at school going off with another girl – but we don’t.

Right now, you’re thinking, “But she’s my cousin and she’s my best friend”. I’ve had moments like that, too, as an adult.

But, look, you have a great friendship with your cousin and that doesn’t have to stop. You could ask her if, occasionally, it could be just the two of you, as you miss those times and you can’t really join in with their conversations about ­holidays and cruises.

You don’t have to go in aggressively – make it about spending time with her and talking about other things.

Also, it’s OK sometimes to admit that you’re envious, and just getting the words out there can make you feel better. Or maybe the next time the three of you are together, you could make a lighthearted remark about them having a lovely life cruising the world, but you can’t join the conversation unless you talk about something a bit closer to home.

The pair of them sound old enough and wise enough to be able to read the room, but perhaps they don’t realise they’re being a bit insensitive.