Woman believes partner should pay her for 'emotional labour'

A woman has sparked debate after claiming her partner owes her money for the 'emotional labour' of remembering special occasions, like birthdays, that she carries out in their relationship. 

The anonymous poster took to UK parenting Mumsnet to express that she wants 'financial contribution' for 'handling all the planning' when it comes to big events like organising holidays or remembering appointments.

Explaining that her partner thinks 'she's being dramatic' when refers to it as 'work', the author added: 'I think the mental load deserves recognition... He refuses to share the burden.'

In a subsequent post, the disgruntled woman said that she and her partner were not married and do not have children together.

While some people on the platform where sympathetic, few believed that she was right to ask for cash, suggesting instead that she should simply 'stop doing' all the planning.

One person commented: 'Stop doing it. I don't think you can ask for payment but he should do his share. 

'If he doesn't get to go on holiday or celebrate his family's birthdays he'll either learn or it just won't happen. Win for you either way.'

Others, however, were critical of the woman and even took the opportunity to critique her relationship. 

One person wrote: 'You should be working as a team, not paying each other. It seems a very odd set-up.'

Another user agreed, calling the woman unreasonable for expecting her partner to pay her for 'remembering birthdays and booking holidays'.

The same person said:  'You're a partnership and a family, not his PA'.

Commenting in a similar vein, a fourth person wrote: 'This doesn't sound like a relationship or a partnership?!

'If you want payment, then become his PA formally. Or, here's a novel idea, talk to your partner and if he refuses to change then stop doing it? 

'Asking for payment is just making yourself his PA and not his partner'. 

A fifth offered their advice: 'Just get a shared calendar app for the birthdays, input them once and click repeat.

'Don't make appointments for a grown man who is perfectly capable of making them himself.

'Ask him for help booking holidays or use a travel agent.'

They continued: 'The mental load is difficult but unless there are children involved (who would suffer if you stopped sorting things for them) there really is no reason to do it.' 

Someone else mocked: 'You want payment for being a martyr?'

Yet others offered more practical solutions, suggesting that lack of communication between the two parties was the problem.

'I think you need to sit down, with an itemised list of the mental load you're caring, and let him pick 50 percent to have ownership of,' said a seventh user. 

However, very few users seemed to fully empathise with the woman's situation - or agree that financial compensation was the answer. 

One person did come to her defence, writing: 'I don't believe half of these responses! Women are always complaining about carrying the mental load.

'Along comes a woman with a solution and everyone piles on to say "Oh it's not that bad"'.