Expert reveals the four easy-to-miss signs your partner is cheating

We're all aware of the obvious signs: a piece of clothing that doesn't belong to you, coming home late without an excuse or a dating app on their phone. 

But without this kind of hard evidence, it can be difficult to know if you're right to have a hunch about a cheating partner. 

Now, one psychotherapist has shared four easy-to-miss signs a spouse may be engaging in an affair.

According to Cornwall-based Bhavna Raithatha, accredited by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, the lesser-known red flags are more than just subtle behavioural changes. 

They don't go off you - quite the opposite 

It's often believed a cheater would lose all interest in having sex — given they’re having it elsewhere. But this isn’t always the case, Ms Raithatha says. 

She told MailOnline: 'Intimacy is physical and emotional. What you've been sharing with your partner is very sacred. It really bonds us. 

'With an affair, you have an increased libido for this reason, you become like a Duracell bunny. 

'And partners, who may temporarily feel guilty about this, redirect this heightened sex drive towards their current partner. 

'But it may just be a physical release to release tension — not emotional. 

'Many of my clients have realised that their partner is having an affair when they're making love.

'Suddenly their partner is simply just going through the motions, there's no eye contact for example and this is heartbreaking.'

However, a once 'really good intimate life' that suddenly goes 'dead in the water' could be a telltale sign too.

'For men, especially, they can experience a form of erectile dysfunction, because the emotion just isn't there so they won't be able to get it up. 

'They will suddenly start making excuses to not have sex, and the reason is because they want to be loyal to their new person.'

They're glued to their phone...even more so than usual 

Ms Raithatha admits that it can be difficult to tell what constitutes 'excessive' phone use given the online world we live in. 

'But unfortunately, if they're spending so much extra time on them to the point where they're paying no attention to their partner whatsoever, this should start to ring the alarm bells. 

'Partners who have been cheated on have later often said, they felt like "clearly there's something or somebody much more important than I am". 

'The biggest telltale sign is hiding their phone all of a sudden or putting a pin on their phone. 

'For instance, last week they left it lying around on the table pinging away happily but now it's welded to their back pocket. 

'Or if they listened to things or called people on loudspeaker but now it's hushed voices.  

'What they're doing is shutting their life down, layer by layer by layer from their current partner. 

'Affairs don't just suddenly happen, it's a multi-step process.'

Suddenly becoming very snappy 

Ms Raithatha said cheating partners often display angry and short-tempered behaviour as a result of feeling 'distant and detached'.

'I've also had a couple of clients who have then challenged their partners on this and they've become almost physically aggressive,' she said.

'When they start slamming doors or putting their fists through plasterboard and become threatening, it's to frighten you to stay quiet. 

'They don't want you going and telling extended family members for instance or friends.  

'If your partner is becoming challenging, it's self protection, because they don't want to be found out. It's their secret. They know there will be repercussions.'

Gaslighting

Read More

Five-minute test that could reveal if you're secretly a psychopath - so how do you score?

It's a term that's familiar with most women: gaslighting. 

Ms Raithatha said that affairs frequently bring out this type of insidious behaviour in the cheater.

They are simply projecting their guilt on to you, she explained. 

'They are the ones in the wrong having the affair, but they're blaming you. They're putting you under the microscope. 

'They may say things like: '"Oh you smell nice, you're dressing nice, you're eating better, why is that? Who is that for?"

'And this is devastating. You may feel like you're losing your mind because of it. 

'They're projecting their insecurities onto you. 

'They will also do this in public, so at the pub or in a restaurant, for example, in front of your friends. 

'They want to sow the seed of doubt in front of everyone. They're gathering a crowd, drip feeding them lies. 

'People who are witnesses start getting that seed of doubt, even if they know you. 

'You then don't know what they're saying about you, behind your back and what they're then telling their friends.'