P’Nut the Squirrel’s killing shows even cute critters aren’t safe in New York

Pour one out for P’Nut the Squirrel, the viral star put down by New York’s Department of Environmental Conservation.

Turns out the furry fellow had friends in high places. Per running mate JD Vance, former President Donald Trump got “fired up” about the killing, and called the victim “the Elon Musk of squirrels.”

We’re glad that Trump knows how to stand up for the little guy, even when the little guy in question was a foot tall, covered in fur and had a bushy tail. 

Upstate couple Mark and Daniela Longo rescued him as a baby squirrel after the death of his mom; after he declined to return to the wild, they fostered him and eventually moved to a 350-acre property near Elmira.

His stunts on video ushered him into viral celebrity (which the Longos used to promote their OnlyFans page, but it takes a village, right?). 

Then?

Some bluenose called the DEC in over rabies fears; our green desk jockeys sent 10 agents — 10! For a squirrel! — to stage an hours-long raid ending with his confiscation and euthanization (officially to test for rabies, after the justifiably scared squirrel bit a member of Arboreal Rodent SWAT Team).

How is that Option #1 when confronted with an outlaw who fits in a shoebox?

Just imagine the person who dropped this dime: a lawn-sign American with chunky librarian glasses who hosts a weekly Cards Against Humanity night.

The killing generated big political energy. Assemblyman Jake Blumencranz wants a law mandating a three-day waiting period before any such euthanization can take place.

Message to whoever emerges victorious today: This. Is. A Gimme.

Get the Adorable Squirrel Protection Act signed into law, pronto.

Meanwhile, P’Nut’s fans will continue to mourn.

And while we didn’t know the poor guy, we do know that everything’s utterly upside down in New York, and not even fluffy woodland creatures are safe.