'My mum doesn’t think that my wife-to-be is good enough'

Agony aunt Coleen Nolan has advice for a reader who has just got engaged but fears his mum doesn't like his fiancee due to her 'colourful past'

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my 30s, recently engaged to my girlfriend of two years, and my problem is my mum. She’s always been quite interfering if I’m honest – I’m her only son and have two older sisters, who’d never take the grief she gives me.

For some reason, she’s always been way too involved in my life and now she’s interfering in my relationship, which is upsetting my fiancee.

The bottom line is, I feel she doesn’t think my fiancee is good enough for me, even though she’s never actually said it directly. However, she constantly makes jibes and comments, and most of the time I don’t rise to it and I move on to another topic, which I know annoys her.

My fiancee is a couple of years older than me and according to my mum has had a “colourful past”.

She has based this on the fact that my fiancee was married and divorced in her 20s, had a broken ­engagement and has changed jobs a lot.

She’s also outspoken but very down to earth– both things I love about her – but these seem to wind my mum up.

I want to feel happy going into this marriage, but my mum is making it difficult.

I think I need to address it, but I don’t want to make the situation worse. What’s the best way to go about it?

Coleen says

Well, first off, I’d say you and your sisters have different ­relationships with your mum because you’re all different people. Plus, you’re the baby of the family and the only boy.

As a mum of boys myself (and a daughter), I think there can be an unconscious envy of another woman taking your son which, to be honest, I don’t think you get so much with a daughter.

I know this doesn’t make it easier, but it might help to think about why your mum is behaving the way she is. She’s scared of losing you!

But while you can have a bit of empathy and understanding, you also need to forge ahead with your own life and your mum will have to get used to it. Hopefully once you’re married and the deal is sealed, she will. Also, you should be able to be direct with your mum without it causing lasting damage. How about saying something like, “I feel you’re not 100% behind this marriage, but I want you to know that I love her and it would make me happy if you could be happy for us”?

Your mum is finding it hard and is trying to stamp her authority all over your relationship, but I believe in time it will become less of an issue. Hopefully, she’ll realise if she wants to stay close to you, she needs to make an effort and support the marriage.

Stay strong, stand up for your fiancee, and try to focus on all the joy and positivity around the wedding.

Your mum won’t want to miss out on the planning!