Cultivating Emotional Intelligence in Kids: A Parent's Guide

Strategies to teach kids resilience, mental strength, and emotional intelligence.

Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

Key points

• Research has found that emotional intelligence can be learned.
• Expanding a child's emotional vocabulary helps them articulate their feelings more precisely.
• There are many opportunities every day to help children cultivate emotional intelligence.

Imagine a child who is able to say, “I’m nervous right now,” when walking into a new social situation. Or picture a teenager who takes a few deep breaths and says to their friend, “I understand you’re angry but I’m not OK with you speaking to me like that.” Kids who can identify their feelings and the feelings of others exhibit high levels of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is important, as it’s been linked to healthier relationships, fewer behavioral issues, and better mental health. Fortunately, there are plenty of steps we can take to help kids cultivate emotional intelligence at any age.

It’s essential to give kids tools and resources that are geared specifically for them. For example, my book, 13 Things Strong Kids Do, is filled with tools that help children understand their feelings and healthy ways to express those emotions.

It’s also important to give them hands-on guidance to practice their skills in real situations. A disagreement with a sibling, a difficult homework assignment, and a misunderstanding with a friend are all prime opportunities to help kids cultivate more emotional intelligence.

The Benefits of Emotional Intelligence

Children with higher emotional intelligence experience greater academic success, improved mental health, and more positive relationships.

A 2015 study published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology found that emotional intelligence skills in children are linked to lower levels of anxiety, depression, and aggression. The research highlights the importance of early interventions in teaching emotional skills to foster more adaptable and socially aware individuals.

Research has also found that emotional intelligence can be learned–as long as adults are providing educational tools to children. A 2016 study published in Emotion Review emphasized that emotional intelligence can be improved through targeted educational programs where parents and teachers talk to kids about feelings.

Higher levels of emotional intelligence also help kids build resilience. Children with strong emotional skills are better equipped to handle stress and recover from setbacks.

Practical Strategies for Parents

There are many opportunities every day to help children cultivate emotional intelligence. And each time they break the rules, have a meltdown, or hurt someone’s feelings is an opportunity to help them learn and practice new skills. Here are some examples of strategies you can use to help your child increase their emotional intelligence.

1. Model Emotional Awareness

Acknowledge your emotions and verbalize them throughout the day. This helps children understand that everyone has feelings and those feelings change throughout the day.

While you’re eating a meal together, share a time you experienced a strong emotion during the day. Talk about what you did to manage that feeling and what you learned from it.

2. Teach Emotional Vocabulary

Expanding a child's emotional vocabulary helps them articulate their feelings more precisely. This reduces frustration and enhances communication.

Use tools like emotion charts or books to introduce different emotions and discuss scenarios where these emotions might arise. Say things like, “It looks like you’re feeling angry right now,” or “I can see how excited you are about this new toy!”

3. Encourage Empathy

Teaching children to consider others' perspectives fosters empathy. Discussing characters' emotions in stories or real-life situations helps children understand and relate to others' feelings.

After a playdate or group activity, ask your child how they think their friends felt during the interaction. With younger children, ask them to show you how someone else likely felt by making a face. When your child makes a sad or angry face, they experience that same emotion for a split second and that can teach them to recognize how their behavior impacts how other people feel.

4. Practice Active Listening

Show your child the importance of listening by giving them your full attention during conversations. This validates their feelings and encourages open communication.

Set aside time each day for a "feelings check-in" where your child can share their daily experiences without interruptions. Don’t ask questions or give advice. Instead, just let them know that whatever they feel is OK–and they have choices in how they deal with those feelings.

5. Role Play

Role-playing different scenarios allows children to practice emotional responses and problem-solving. This builds confidence in managing real-life situations.

Create a role-playing game where your child encounters various challenges, and discuss appropriate emotional responses and coping strategies. Provide guidance and use it as an opportunity to help them problem-solve and practice new skills.

Teaching Emotional Intelligence Is an Ongoing Effort

Fostering emotional intelligence in children is a journey that involves patience, practice, and participation. As your child grows, they’ll encounter new challenges that allow them to sharpen their emotional skills.

Implement a variety of strategies as part of your parenting toolkit to help your child navigate their emotions with confidence and resilience. Investing in their emotional development today will pave the way for a more connected and fulfilling future.