The Tekken director failed to get KFC's Colonel Sanders in the fighting game, but here are 10 other corporate mascots he could try

Finger clickin'

The long-running chief of the Tekken series, Katsuhiro Harada, once tried to convince KFC to let him use Colonel Sanders as a character in the fighting game, according to an interview with TheGamer. "[They] weren't very open to the idea," added game designer Michael Murray, who sat in on the interview. "[Colonel Sanders] appeared in games after that. So maybe it was just him fighting against someone [that] was posing a problem for them."

Never mind, Harada. Here's a few other corporate characters you could try to squeeze into Tekken 8.

Gritty

The wide-eyed mascot of the Philadelphia Flyers ice hockey team is no stranger to violence. He is agile, powerful, and fully media trained. There really is no reason why this could not happen.

Mr Muscle

Ah, but which incarnation of the bleach-but-not-blond hero would best fit the Tekken mould? The modern CGI gym bro in orange spandex is the obvious choice, since it fits in with the game's narrow range of body types. But the boxer-wearing beanpole of the 1990s may offer variety. Yes, the Mr Muscle of today is a reboot. It's like the Marvel Cinematic Universe but for toilet cleaner.

The Annoying Singer From The Go Compare Ads

In lieu of oversized biffer Bob, this may be a good fit. He is appropriately zany, kooky, and wacky. He can sing his jingle at the start and end of every fight, earning Bandai Namco literally dozens of British pounds in advertising revenue. What's not to like?

The Monopoly Man

God, I'd love to punch him.

The Laughing Cow

Her laugh will make an excellent mid-game taunt, and her fondness for showing off her earrings (cheese) puts her firmly into the Tekken developer's archetypal realm of "women wot punch and like fashion". Her bovine body may prove a challenge. But this is a series that has had a bear, a dinosaur, a kangaroo, and another, smaller dinosaur. I'm sure they can manage.

Clippy

Hi! It looks like you're trying to attack while your opponent has frame advantage. Would you like help?

• Get help with parrying hellsweep
• Just mash buttons without help
• Don't show me this message or any message ever ever again

Captain Birdseye

Lots of room for puns in the post-game gloat with this guy. "I'm going to batter you!" or "I can weather any wave-dash!" or "King of the Iron Fish Tournament? That's me!" He could have a farcical side story with Kuma, all about the Captain's salmon stock going missing. Oh, Kuma! You big silly, greedy bear.

The Andrex Puppy

A literal underdog, the Andrex Puppy would need to be redesigned from the ground up to be viable in the meta. A ranged attack where he throws endless rolls of shit tickets at opponents. Several powerful unblockable charge attacks. This is all surely achievable from a legal and corporate perspective. Surely.

Quaker Oats Guy

Look at him. Look at all that repressed rage. He is not coming out of the ring until you are fully dead.

Julius Pringles

Hang on a minute... Julius!? This guy has a name and it is Julius? Also, hey! This is just the Monopoly man's younger brother! That family's got their fingers in everything. Disgusting. Another condemnation of capitalism's salty, powdery excess. I'm done with this stupid list.