Tam Cowan: 'Ally McCoist on I'm A Celeb would be so good I might even watch it'

"Reader Mick says if Ally wins I'm A Celeb, I bet Rangers add it to their trophy count."

I'll tell you shumfin’ and I absholutely mean thish, I think Ally McCoist would be shimply shenshational on I’m A Celeb.

And the best football pundit in the country reckons he might be up for it as he’d shift some weight in the jungle.

You better believe it, Ally.

If memory serves, previous contestant Caitlyn Jenner lost two stones before she even went ON the show…

But forget about losing a stone and a half, Coisty. More importantly, you’ll be gaining a million pounds!

Yep, according to newspaper reports, the highest-paid manager in the history of lower league ­Scottish football – a staggering £14,000 a week when Rangers were in the fourth tier – would be the highest paid I’m A Celeb contestant in the show’s 20-year history.

But ITV would certainly be getting their money’s worth. Think about it – after all that gardening leave at Rangers, he could give the jungle a right good tidy-up at the end of the series.

I can only think of one possible sticking point.

On the back of recent headlines, conservationists might be worried that Ally and his business partner will try to convert a large section of the jungle into houses…

However, I doubt Coisty will lose any sleep over the weird and wonderful wildlife he may encounter. (Don’t forget, he spent 10 years sitting opposite a Parrot on A Question of Sport.)

With a supporting cast including giant slugs, big hairy spiders and venomous snakes, a lot of Ally’s fans might be watching from behind the couch (bit of a buzz, I suppose, as it’ll be like viewing the action from the Copland Road Stand).

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But Coisty insists being surrounded by rats and snakes wouldn’t bother him that much. Well, not when you’ve worked for guys like Craig Whyte and Charles Green…

In saying that, Ally admits he’s definitely NOT a fan of cockroaches. Me too. Ever since my mum convinced me that earwigs can climb inside your ear…

The feedback from Celtic fans? Hats off to regular reader Mick from Blantyre who says: “If Ally wins I’m A Celeb, I bet Rangers add it to their trophy count.”

LOL! I wouldn’t put it past them.

But I think I preferred this reaction from a Rangers supporter who said: “I might actually watch that sh*te if Ally’s
on it.”

I think that’s what they call a ­back-handed ­compliment.

Listen, I’ll ­DEFINITELY watch I’m A Celeb if Ally’s on the show. And I’ll have a large wager on him winning it.

Don’t forget, folks, he’s got the experience (Ally’s already been “down under” with Rangers – the old Third Division to be exact) and, in a quite incredible career, he’s won everything else.

Well, apart from the Ramsden’s Cup which Rangers lost 1-0 to Raith Rovers in 2014. Go for it, Coisty!

PS. Talking of the jungle, here’s some top advice I’d like to share in today’s column.

If you ever find yourself face-to-face with a lion, take one step to the left and one step back, one step to the left and one step back, one step to the left and one step back – and keep repeating this process.

Trust me, dear reader, this will be your best chance of getting away without ­stepping in your own sh*te…

PPS. What about the poor guy wandering through the jungle who was suddenly confronted by a tiger?

He immediately fell to his knees and started praying.

After opening one eye, he noticed that the tiger was also praying.

“Thank the Lord!” he yelled. “A Christian tiger!”

“Keep your voice down,” said the tiger, “I’m saying grace…”

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