'It's exhausting being a step mum – I want to give up on kid I didn't even make'

A woman has taken to social media to ask for advice after admitting she is considering giving up on her stepdaughter, who she has helped raise for the past 12 years

A woman has sparked a debate after confessing she's had enough of being a step-parent, describing it as 'exhausting'.

She shared her experience on Reddit, explaining how she and her husband have 50/50 custody of his daughter from a previous relationship, striving to co-parent amicably with the child's biological mother.

Despite once having a "great" rapport with the girl, she observes that as the child approaches her teenage years, the situation is deteriorating. The woman wrote: "I've helped her grow into an amazing girl. However, she is getting older now, 12, and her mother's awful personality traits are bleeding into her."

The step-mum says her husband's ex-partner deliberately tries to make their lives difficult, and this negative influence is rubbing off on their daughter. She feels used, stating that her role seems to be limited to entertaining her stepdaughter and spending money on her, only for the child's behaviour to regress after visits to her mother.

She said: "I feel like I am only good enough to take my stepdaughter out to do things, spend my money on her, buy her nice things, etc. We typically have a really great relationship but now every time she comes back from her mother's, it takes three solid days to get her back to 'normal'. Then, going back and starting the process all over again.

"I am mentally exhausted. She is so behind in school, her maturity, basically everything. I feel like we have 12 years of negative impact and trauma to try and turn around and I have no idea where to start. My husband basically acts like I am her mother, her mother doesn't do anything for her either, so I feel like I am a single parent for a child I didn't even make."

Desperate for advice, the woman detailed the toll the situation is taking on her well-being. She added: "I feel so used and I am really considering the nacho parenting just for my own mental health. I am so tired and I feel so alone." The nacho parenting method involves step-parents adopting a more hands-off approach, treating their partner's children as friends rather than dependents they are responsible for.

In response to her story, one user commented: "This is too much responsibility for you to take on alone. Husband needs to step up and take over all parenting duties." Another empathised: "I feel like you're telling my story. I wish I had words of encouragement or advice but when you figure it out let me know."

A third user said: "I am in a very similar situation and I definitely recommend being a nacho parent. You have done your best and have gone above and beyond, but now it's time for her parents to do their part. You didn't get into this relationship to take on everyone else's responsibility you're there for support."

"Please take care of yourself because if you don't it'll make things worse. You'll wear yourself down to nothing and also develop resentment. If you can leave the house for an extended period of time. Take a vacation or go to a family or friend's house and be at peace with just yourself."

Story SavedYou can find this story in  My Bookmarks.Or by navigating to the user icon in the top right.