Divorcees Are Revealing The "Final Straw" Moment That Made Them End Their Marriage For Good
by Dannica Ramirez · BuzzFeedNote: This post contains mentions of sexual assault and abuse.
Sometimes, you just know when a relationship has reached the end of its string. Recently, I asked the divorcees of the BuzzFeed Community to share the "final straw" moment that made them realize they wanted a divorce, and some of these are incredibly shocking. Here are some of the stories that might just get your blood boiling:
1. "I was 32 weeks pregnant and suffering from appendicitis. He just looked at me and said, 'I'm sure you'll be fine. Gotta get to work.'"
—Anonymous
2. "When I realized I was angry all the time. I'd be driving home and feel myself get completely uptight; I'd him open the door and brace myself. I know it sounds like it was an abusive situation, but it wasn't. It was just the drip, drip, drip of living life with someone who wasn't engaged, lazy, and unwilling to do the work to even make our home nice. Living with a void is no life. It's just breathing."
3. "When he said I didn't deserve to go to a movie. For context, I'm hard of hearing and suffer from anxiety. When I go to a movie, I like to arrive 45 minutes early because it allows me to get my closed-captioning device and snacks, go to the bathroom, and find my seat. He wanted to go to a movie that started in 15 minutes. I anxiously agreed, but as I was driving, I was fighting back tears because I couldn't follow my usual routine. He got so frustrated when my tears began to flow, saying I was ungrateful and didn't deserve to go to a movie. At this stage in our marriage, he wasn't allowing me to work, so going to the movies was the only time I really got out of the house at all. At that moment, I knew it was time to go. He made me turn the car around, so when I got home, I packed a bag and haven't looked back. It's been five years."
4. "When I said I knew he didn't mean to hurt me, even though he had. He told me he meant to hurt me because he found my 'unlimited capacity for forgiveness' too tempting not to push."
5. "We were at a big event for his 9-year-old. My then-husband wasn't helping with all the tasks that needed to be done, so everyone in public could see how I was trying to do everything while also trying to wrangle our 2-year-old. Everyone noticed my then-husband wasn't helping me and was just sitting there. It was so embarrassing. It had been years of fighting and almost breaking up, but I was very upset that this was all public. I left a week later and didn't tell him until the day I started packing."
6. "He said to me, 'It's been three months, you should be fine!' This is after I refused his pushy advances. It had been three months since I delivered our son, and I was finally able to sit straight. He'd been asking me for little 'favors' for weeks before and getting frustrated each time. Never mind that I was struggling with severe postpartum anxiety and depression while also caring for a 2-year-old. He was literally there for the delivery that required stitches for a second-degree tear. I held on, thinking it would get better. It did not. I should've left then. Two years later, he left marks on our daughter, and he was out. I feel so guilty for not knowing how to leave back then. It would've saved a lot of grief and trauma. My kids and I are so much better now."
7. "I had planned a romantic date to celebrate our eighth anniversary. I bought her favorite flowers, bought a nice gift I knew she'd like, and made a reservation at her favorite restaurant. We'd had a rocky year, so I wanted to make the night special. Then, my best friend confessed to me that he and my wife had been having an affair for the past six months. I was devasted, but that's when I knew I wanted to separate."
—Shane, 52
8. "When I found partially empty bottles of alcohol when he was supposedly almost two years sober. I just knew I couldn't live through the psychological warfare again."
9. "We got married when we were very young. We were both 19, so unless we had the good luck of maturing and changing the same way, divorce was inevitable. He was a good, kind, and funny person — with zero ambition. I was in college and working full-time with goals in mind, and he was content to stay in the same service counter position indefinitely. He was fine with the same apartment and the same neighborhood where he grew up. We walked about it many times, and he essentially said, 'I'll do whatever you want to do.' That didn't feel right to me; it didn't feel like a partnership. I knew we'd end up making each other miserable. In hindsight, 20 years later, I was right. He got remarried to someone whose goals — or lack thereof — aligned with his own. I'm happy for them and grateful that I didn't stay married, even though, at the time, it broke his heart."
10. "When I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, I drove myself to get my hysterectomy because, 'You know, that's really early in the morning to get schedule a surgery.'"
11. "I should've asked for a divorce when he didn't come to the hospital after Search and Rescue had rescued me (he said he had plans with some 'cool' running guys). It should've been when he didn't take me to the ER when I was really sick that one time or when I broke my arm that other time. I should've left when he started growing weed in our basement and didn't tell me until I found out on my own — or a million other times. But the last straw was after he had major surgery. I'd taken care of him for three days straight, and he went off on me, saying I didn't love him and that I was a horrible person. I realized then that you simply can't keep giving someone more of what they don't care about, hoping they will eventually see your worth."
12. "When he came inside of me without my consent. It's not like he didn't know I wasn't okay with this; I'd make it perfectly clear that I didn't want that (or children, obviously). I realized that my own husband had assaulted me. And afterward, when I was bawling, he told me it wasn't a big deal and that I just needed to buy the Pill."
—Anonymous
13. "He brought the woman he was cheating on me with to my mom's funeral. My mom passed away suddenly, and we were all devastated. My then-husband brought the person he was having an affair with to the funeral and made it all about them. She even came up to me after the service with a snarky remark. That was it for me."
—Anonymous
14. "When she got knocked up by another guy."
—Dan, 53, Wisconsin
15. "My ex's daughter would not invite me to any family gatherings. As she said, it made her mother uncomfortable, so for thirty years, he went to every event alone. One year, I went to a graduation with him, and his daughter would not speak to me. My brother-in-law then walked me down memory lane and started telling me all about all the fun they all had as a group at other family events — jumping on trampolines and hanging out like the good ole days, ex-wife included. My ex never once thought to stand up to this daughter and not join in on these gatherings unless I was included. Not only was it disrespectful to me, but also to him. His family had many issues, but after that graduation, enough was enough. I just wish I hadn't wasted my youth on someone who didn't really love me enough to stand up for me."
16. "I knew when eating dinner at the table alone for the umpteenth time, watching the back of his head watching ESPN as always. I silently asked myself, Will it still be like this in five years? Yes. In 10 years? Yes. It was wild how afraid I was of being alone despite doing everything alone already. Not after that night!"
17. "I finally filed for divorce after she'd been lying for over a year. It started out when I caught her texting the neighbor an unhealthy amount all day and every day. At first, she said it seemed like our neighbor was lonely and didn't have any friends, so she felt sorry for them. She promised to stop. Then, a few months later, I noticed a change in her and investigated again. I found out they were hanging out while I was at work and having an affair. My then-partner went to an event out-of-state that I couldn't go to because of work and stayed there for two nights. Turns out our neighbor drove separately to join her."
"At this point, I started planning to move out, but she begged me not to, saying that one bad mistake doesn't erase all the good things in our five-year relationship. She told me she ended things with our neighbor. The last straw for me was when she had to spend three months training for the military. After leaving our house, she went to see the neighbor before leaving town. I moved out days later and filed for divorce. I thank God every day."
18. "I was young — we were married for two years with two small babies. My then-husband apparently wanted to be a swinger and neglected to tell me prior to marriage. He invited 'friends' over with the intention of 'converting' me without my knowledge. That was clearly the last straw."
—Anonymous
19. "We'd been married for almost nine years, and the last seven were really rocky due to his repeated infidelity. After a year of me working seven days a week and missing out on spending time with our children, he was still going and doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, and there still wasn't enough money in our bank account. One night, he decided he was going to his motorcycle club's Halloween party, knowing I had to be at my second job at 8 a.m. I woke up at 3 a.m., and he wasn't home. I finally got him to answer one of my many, many calls at around 4:30 and told him he needed to get home so I could go to work. He didn't come back until 9:30 a.m. That was the last straw that broke my camel's back because it proved how much he didn't love me. I had told him many times over the years that the motorcycles and clubs would be the death of our relationship, and surprise, I was right."
20. "We'd been fighting for some time, so I'd lived in the guest room for over a month. We got 'fired' from marriage counseling, but weirdly, the moment I knew it was over was when I'd attempted to make a small change he'd mentioned. He was unhappy that I always ate by myself in the guest room, so I made breakfast — eggs and toast, nothing fancy. He didn't want to eat with me, so I sat in the dining room with him, sitting less than 10 feet away on the couch. I took my time, about 15 minutes, eating in silence. He didn't even look up at me. I knew then that there was no hope for either of us, as we were just so tired of trying. I asked for a divorce that night."
—Anonymous
21. Lastly: "A week before Christmas, my ex-husband got arrested in a sex work sting. I came home from work and had no idea where he was. I was afraid he was dead in a ditch somewhere. His dad called a few hours later to tell me he was bailing my now-ex out of jail. My husband lied for days about what had happened and told me that it was a misunderstanding. But 'accidentally' getting arrested didn't make any sense, and it definitely wasn't an excuse I was buying. I finally got ahold of the officer listed in his booking, the female detective involved in the sting. Turns out my husband had been texting her, and they ambushed him when he showed up to 'do the deed.' They kept his phone as evidence. I served those papers immediately."
—Erin, 44, Ohio
I don't know about you guys, but I genuinely can't comprehend how someone can act so unkind to the person they married and supposedly love. However, I'm so proud of those who realized their worth and left the situation! That said, if you're a divorcee, when did you realize you wanted a divorce? Let me know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit your story using this form!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE, which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453(4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.