People Are Sharing Truly Hysterical "Parenting Hacks," And As A First-Time Mom, I Needed These Yesterday
by Hannah Loewentheil · BuzzFeedEveryone knows that lying is objectively bad. But when it comes to dealing with toddler tantrums, stubborn kids, and the like, all parents know that white lies are a necessary evil. And sometimes, you hear about a parenting trick that is just too good to forget. So Redditors and members of the BuzzFeed Community shared some of the most epic harmless fibs they've told their kids. And as a first-time mom, I'll be adopting most of these ASAP.
1. "I told all my kids that things like most veggies, fish, and other healthy foods were 'grown-up food.' I would put some on my and my husband's plates and say, 'ok, this food is just for grown-ups. Unfortunately, babies can't have any.' Cue my then toddler-age kids saying, 'I'm not a baby!' And me making a big show of going 'I don't know... it just for grown-ups... well, I guess you're old enough to have a little bit of grown-up food. But not too much! It's supposed to be just for grown-ups.' And then I'd take it off my grown-up plate and give them some and watch how excited they were to eat their 'grown-up food.'"
2. "My kids had to get some vaccinations. On the way to the pediatrician, I told them that getting eyeball shots was the most effective way to prevent illness. They were terrified! When we got to the doctor's office and the nurse came in with the needles, I asked, 'Isn't it true that getting your shots in the eyeball is the most effective way to prevent future illnesses?' She then looked at my kids and asked if she could give them their shots in their arms instead. You've never seen kids so happy and excited to roll up their sleeves. All smiles and no tears."
3. "My toddler had a meltdown the other day after we turned off Miss Rachel because it started giving me a headache. We told her that Miss Rachel had to go to sleep so she could play again tomorrow. That didn't work, so she got a call from 'Miss Rachel,' who definitely wasn't my teenage daughter, in a different room, telling her that she was tired and needed to go night-night, but she was excited to play again tomorrow and to make sure to listen and be nice to mommy!"
4. "When my daughter was four, she decided she wanted a horse. I told her that since horses eat money and I don't earn much, we simply couldn't get one. She believed that horses actually ate money until she was 14. Then she called me an arsehole. In my defense, I have a cousin who has horses, and given how much she spends on them, I'm convinced to this day that they do eat money."
5. "I was really little on New Year's, and I wanted to stay up to watch the ball drop; my mom promised to wake me up 10 minutes before midnight, and she just did! That became our New Year's tradition for a few years after that. She didn't have any trouble putting me back to sleep because I was already tired from having woken up ten minutes ago, and I didn't insist on staying up late because I trusted her to wake me up in time."
6. "That the toy monster steals their toys at night. Specifically, the ones that aren't put away."
7. "As a child, my parents told me if I did something bad, I was going to 'baby jail.' I believed in baby jail until I was like 12 years old. If I started crying in a public place, my dad would say, 'Stop that. You don't want to go to baby jail, do you?' And then I would just scream louder like, 'I don't want to go to baby jail!' I was a well-behaved kid until I realized Baby Jail wasn't real. Then I turned into a teenager, and they told me that Juvenile Detention was a thing. At that point, I didn't believe them."
8. "I said that fairies came to the house in the middle of the night and would take away pacifiers, bottles, sippy cups, or anything my child was too old for. It worked great; there was no arguing over items they had outgrown. No one was to blame, not the child or the parent! Only the fairies knew when it was time to take something away."
—Linda, 64
9. "When she was a toddler, I told my daughter Target was a store with a toy museum. We can buy clothing, household supplies, and groceries, but the toys there are not for sale. The toy museum is just there to keep kids busy while their parents shop. It works like a charm. She's almost four and still asks if we can visit the toy museum."
—Anonymous
10. "My younger brother was my parent's fourth child, so my mother learned a trick or two by the time he came around. It was about making my brother think he had options and control of his situation. For example, he would be watching TV, and my mother wanted to get him to bed, so she would say, 'Do you want to go to bed now or after your show?' Of course, she knew he would say after his show, but it made him think he was the one making the decision and would obediently go to bed after his show."
—Miri
11. "When my daughter would tell me she was 'full' after a few bites of her dinner, I would ask her to open her mouth wide to see how much room she had left in her tummy. 'I can see that there is room for five more bites of peas and three more bites of chicken,' and this worked for a long time!!"
12. "When I was growing up, I often fought with my sister over the very last goodie left (a cookie, a piece of cake, etc...). My father made one of us divide it and the other one got to pick their piece. Of course, the one dividing the sweet ensured the pieces were perfectly even."
—Sally U.
13. "When it was a beautiful weekend day, and the kids were all inside playing video games or watching TV, I would walk outside and turn off the circuit breaker to the entire house. They thought we had a power outage and would magically go outside and start playing. We finally told them I was doing this when they were in their 20s."
—Jeb B., 53
14. "When my children were young, and we went to a fast food drive-thru, I told them condiments were only for dine-in. That way, I wouldn't have to clean up ketchup, mustard, ranch, etc., from car seats and door handles. They finally discovered my white lie when they went to a drive-thru years later with friends, but we laugh about it today!"
—Trish, Connecticut
15. "When my daughter was potty training, we planned a Disneyland trip. I told her that they don't allow diapers there. Sure enough, she was wearing big girl panties in time. She didn't have a single accident until we were at the airport to go home."
—Anonymous
16. "I was on a flight where a kid saw the button for calling a flight attendant. I didn't know what it was, but I was thinking about pressing it, so I asked his Dad what it did. His Dad said it opens a trapdoor under your seat and drops you from the bottom of the plane. Afterward, the kid spent the whole flight intrigued by the button, clearly thinking about and talking about pushing it, but too worried to do it."
17. "When we were in the car, and it was raining, my mom would wait for a bridge or tunnel, and as we approached it, she would tell us she was going to make the rain stop in 3..2..1...She told us she could only make the rain stop for a minute because it made her so tired. My siblings and I were convinced she was magic."
18. "I used to tell my young kids that they had little LED lights in their eyelids that told me when they were tired. Green was good to go. Yellow was wearing down, and red meant nap time or bedtime, depending on the time of day. They believed it, and I actually caught them in the bathroom, closing one eye and trying to see the other and testing each other to see if the lights were there. It was kind of sneaky, but it worked. I never really had a problem getting them to nap or go to bed."
—Tom J.
19. "My parents always told us that eating vegetables would turn us green. My brother and I would then eat all of our vegetables to see who would turn green first."
—Anonymous
So, what's your greatest parenting "hack" or harmless lie you've told your kids? Tell us in the comments or in this anonymous form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.