Since I met my husband I haven't done a day's work

Careers advice talks at school were always tricky for me. ‘So what profession are you ­hoping to pursue, Bea?’ I’d be asked.

And while friends ­trotted out the usual responses: law, accountancy, medicine and the arts, I felt I couldn’t be completely candid about what I wanted to be ‘when I grew up’.

The reason for my reticence was that all I ever wanted to be was a full-time wife, mother and homemaker. It’s the only role for which I feel a natural inclination and what I truly believe my body was designed for.

Today, I’m 30, and my ambition has been realised. I am articulate and well-read, with a degree in hospitality and a strong work ethic – but since I met my husband five years ago, I ­haven’t done a day’s paid work.

I was fortunate to meet a man who shares my ethos and is proud to live by my ‘traditional housewife’ values. Mark, 33, who works as a health and safety consultant, is the sole earner – and very happy with the arrangement.

We have a 15-month-old daughter, Mia, and I’m due to give birth again in three weeks’ time. I don’t plan to stop there: I’ve always dreamed of four children, ideally with a little boy in the mix.

Home for my family is a converted barn in the New Forest, where I cook, clean, bake bread, grow our own vegetables and keep seven chickens. Ready meals and takeaways are not on the menu.

I’m happiest when I’m creating a home for our family, providing a clean and joyful space where we can all be together. Our house runs like a finely oiled machine – and my life is all the better for it.

I know not everyone’s financial circumstances allow them to live off one income, but both Mark and I believe that it should be socially acceptable, and admirable, for women to pursue this path if they can and want to.

No one has ever criticised my lifestyle – at least, not to my face! Besides, it’s my theory that a lot of women would like to be at home with their children if they could, that’s why I’m not jealous of women with a career. If anything, I feel sorry for them.

It’s been interesting and ­disturbing, then, for me to watch the ‘traditional housewife’ trend receive so much attention lately, and not all of it positive.

American former ballerina Hannah Neeleman, a married mother of eight better known by her Instagram handle ‘Ballerina Farm’ who posts about her traditional life on a homestead in Utah for her ten million followers, recently attracted a wave of negative attention after she was interviewed.

Hannah gave up her career as a dancer to care for her family, and subscribes to traditional gender roles in her marriage.

Such is the level of scorn and scepticism she’s attracted, however, that many have openly questioned whether she is mentally unstable or being coercively controlled.

This, to me, is so unfair. Is ­Hannah – or, indeed, am I – really doing anything so radical and divisive? Isn’t this what most women did until the middle of the last century, after all?

Mothers who work are a relatively new experiment in human history – and one with some decided drawbacks in my opinion, not least the impact it has on family stress levels.

I hear tales of small children being packaged off to nurseries from early morning until night, their poor mothers too exhausted to read them a bedtime story when they get home from work.

I see hollow-eyed fathers, schlepping around the supermarket on a Saturday, after a week of takeaways in front of the TV.

It’s something my own mother, who worked full-time as a teacher while raising me and my two siblings, had to endure to a certain degree. Mark’s mother, too: she commuted daily from Hampshire to London where she ran an IT business.

Looking back, I remember how stressed and tired Mum was and how little time my parents had for each other. Both my mother and mother-in-law have since admitted they’d have loved to have stayed home to raise their family if they could have.

It cemented the idea that having it all just wasn’t possible. There’s no better person to care for a child than their own mother. If our husbands can provide for us so that their children can ­benefit from this nurturing attention, why shouldn’t they?

All that said, I’m very aware some mothers prefer to pursue careers while parenting, and some women just don’t want children. That’s their choice. And this is mine.

I believe homemaking is harder, and more tiring, than any office job – but more rewarding.

Maintaining the three of us with one wage involves careful thought: I have to be prudent and budget sensibly.

Before I found Mark to start a family with, though, the obvious path for me was to do something that helped people, to scratch that maternal itch. So, after getting four A-Levels, I studied hospitality at university.

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After graduation, I ended up working with teenagers with traumatic experiences and challenging behaviours. It was great training for motherhood – especially those tricky adolescent years to come!

I met Mark when I was 25 while practising judo, which we both adore. As we fell in love, Mark was the one who noticed the mental toll my work was taking on me and suggested us assuming traditional gender roles in our partnership – in other words, having me be a ‘trad wife’.

I wasn’t some downtrodden woman forced to stay at home; if anything, I was relieved we shared the same values.

We married in 2022 and soon after found out we were expecting Mia. Not working meant I was able to relax during pregnancy and prepare my body – and our home – for the big change to come.

Some people ask: ‘But what do you do all day?’ A question that never fails to irritate.

Since Mia was born, I’ve never been busier. My day starts early, on toddler time, and we spend our mornings at playgroups or going for woodland walks.

Then I cook lunch for us all; Mark works from home, so we eat together. While Mia has her afternoon nap, I do laundry and clean. I get her involved in the running of the household when she wakes up: she helps me get the clothes out of the tumble drier, tidies up her toys and toddles around with the duster.

If we had a son he would be taught household tasks, too. It’s important everyone possesses the skills to be independent (should they need to be) and also contribute to the running of their future households.

That said, we do have distinct ‘man jobs’ in our home. I appreciate it sounds quite black and white, but my husband has his responsibilities within our home – DIY, gardening and heavy lifting jobs are his domain.

When Mark has finished work, he spends time with Mia and that’s when I can go to the gym, or whatever else I need to do. When she’s asleep for the night, we have time for each other.

If Mia wants her own career, I’ll be happy for her. It will be her choice. But there’s no escaping that cooking a meal, making a bed and gardening are life skills all children must have.

I don’t feel any less empowered at home than I would if I were making my own money. Mark and I make all decisions together. I run our finances, appointments, administration and organisation of the home. We rarely have arguments, but when we do, they don’t last long. I tend to just go with the flow.

I’m happy that both my ­husband and my daughter are happy. What more could I ­possibly want?

• As told to Samantha Brick