Paddy McGuinness's divorce house agreement won't be good for anyone

Hot on the heels of Man City ace and serial love cheat Kyle Walker and wife Annie agreeing to a ‘no-split’ divorce for the sake of their four sons, we have the perplexing saga of TV star Paddy McGuinness and his wife.

They, too, have agreed to divorce – and carry on living in the same house. He allegedly cheated on Christine with a TV star. She realised how unhappy she was after appearing on ITV reality show The Games.

In the divorce settlement, Paddy, 51, gets to stay in their £2.5million, gated home. Again, the arrangement’s ‘for the sake of their children’. Which rather begs the question. If it’s all about the children, why not stay married? Or if that is too awful, separate properly – rather than go through the sham of a no-split divorce.

The complication in the McGuinness marriage is that Christine discovered in 2021 she has ADHD and autism, as do their three young children. So she and Paddy decided that moving into separate homes would be too traumatic for the children.

But aren’t they all left with the worst of all worlds? Christine gets to stay in the family home while Paddy comes and goes, depending on his work and who he might be squiring (a recent flame allegedly was TV presenter Kirsty Gallacher).

And when he comes home, the agreement is that Christine disappears. Isn’t that confusing for the kids? Her friends hope she can draw a line under the marriage, with one saying: ‘We just hope Christine will finally find the happiness she deserves.’

We all hope that. But I fear a no-split is neither one thing nor the other and unlikely to provide happiness for anybody.

Just guessing King Charles and Queen Camilla won’t be watching Jilly Cooper’s hit series Rivals. The author’s revealed the inspiration for her handsomely endowed lothario, Rupert Campbell-Black, is Camilla’s ex husband Andrew Parker Bowles. No wonder it took her so long to finally divorce him.

Roar for lionesses

Truly amazing that England’s little-sung Lionesses, aged 16 to 44, will compete in next month’s inaugural World Amputee Football Federation World Cup after raising the £50,000 they needed to enter. ‘I’m so proud of the girls,’ said head coach Harry Smith. ‘They are living the dream.’ What’s more wonderful – that these athletes are out in Columbia for the World Cup, or that such an event even exists? Whatever, we’ll be cheering on our Lionesses. 

Picture's purrfect to help Ted diet

After the vet suggested my moggie Ted was tiptoeing towards obesity, as a cautionary tale I stuck a picture of Crumbs, the world’s fattest cat who has died aged 13 weighing a gargantuan 38lbs, on the wall in front of his three cat-food bowls. I think it worked. Ted has cut out his second breakfast.

A sixty-something friend dashed into M&S to try to grab the three-piece suit from Sienna Miller’s new collaboration with Marks only to discover it had sold out. I tried to console her by saying, perhaps a little tactlessly, that the loose jacket, waistcoat and baggy trousers are fabulous on sublime Sienna, 42, – but might make lesser mortals like us look like a sack of potatoes.

It's creepy that Elvis’s daughter Lisa Marie Presley kept the body of her 27-year-old son Ben on ice at home for months after he killed himself, but it does raise a question. When do you let go of a loved one? I chose not to see my Mum and Dad after they died, not wanting my last memory of them to be in coffins. I chose to remember them as they were when they were alive – smiling, loving and devoted to us kids. 

Nigella Lawson is to star in Greggs’ Christmas ads yet draws the line at promoting their famous sausage rolls. This, despite her TV shows and books featuring ‘My Mum’s Sausage Rolls’ and ‘Festive Sausage Rolls’. How disappointing our Domestic Goddess has become too posh to push a sausage roll.

Bikini’s too teenie 

Just when you thought the pagan Halloween pantomime couldn’t get any more ridiculous, the actress Halle Bailey, 24, and with 9 million Insta followers, recreates Oscar-winning 58-year-old Halle Berry’s iconic appearance in the 2002 Bond film Die Another Day wearing an orange bikini complete with white belt and gun. What on earth has that to do with Halloween, except that it’s pumpkin orange? And why couldn’t Bailey find a bikini top that actually fitted her?

A newly discovered letter reveals Charles’s frustration with the Church of England when he was Prince of Wales. He said the Church had been ‘corrupted by political correctness’. Amen to that. At a local C of E church recently, the vicar began his sermon based on the Gospel’s call to ‘trust in Christ’ insisting we should trust the new Labour Government and even pray for them. I’m reliably informed some members of the congregation cancelled their direct debit to the church.

 Westminster wars

A vainglorious moment for Rachel Reeves in her Budget when she said: ‘I am deeply proud to be Britain’s first female Chancellor,’ adding: ‘Girls, let there be no ceiling on your ambitions, your hopes and your dreams.’ Tin-eared, as Labour has never had a woman leader, unlike the Tories who’ve had three.

The Chancellor wore a lucky gold locket around her neck in the shape of a ministerial red box. Haven’t seen anything that crass since – as William Hague’s spin doctor – I forced a reluctant Ffion to wear a diamond pound necklace during the Tories’ ‘Save The Pound’ 2001 election.

In a world of ageism and prejudice against white middle-aged men, how glorious to see the only male in the new campaign for cosmetic brand Charlotte Tilbury is our beloved Richard E. Grant. Alongside Kylie and Kate Moss, he is the new face of Charlotte’s Magic Cream. If that’s what it takes to look as good as he does at 67, I’m having some of it.

After more than 400 people contacted lawyers investigating alleged sexual abuse by Mohamed Al Fayed, victims are calling for a boycott of his former flagship store Harrods. They believe others in the business’s hierarchy must have covered up his ‘industrial-scale abuse’ of young women. I for one, will never set foot in Harrods again.

Beware bland Beckham 

Victoria Beckham sets up a business to funnel the future earnings of daughter Harper, 13, who says her dream is ‘to create an amazing brand’. Jolly good but where has that got her three brothers? Brooklyn’s flogging hot sauces, Romeo’s a little-in-demand model, and Cruz is working on a debut music album. Unlike their parents, they’re all just talentless cling-ons.

 Follow Amanda Platell on:

X @amandajplatell

Email: amanda.platell@dailymail.co.uk