'My friends treat me like a doormat and I've spent £2,000 keeping them happy'

Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader who is on disability benefits and spends her money on her circle of mates, but gets nothing in return

Dear Coleen

Why do I always end up being the friend who gives the most? I’m always buying the lunches and the afternoon teas, I drive people everywhere, pick them up, drop them off and I buy little gifts “just because”.

But I never get as much as a birthday card or a thank you.

I’m 61 with a serious heart condition, rheumatoid arthritis and osteoporosis, and often use a cane to walk.

I had a heart attack three weeks ago and when I called one of my friends to tell her, I couldn’t believe her reaction. She screamed down the phone at me and said, “Who’s going to drive me to my appointment tomorrow? This is extremely inconvenient of you!” and then hung up! I just burst out crying and sobbed for hours.

I’m sick of being a doormat. I’m the only one in our circle of friends who is disabled and on benefits and yet I’ve spent almost £2,000 on my friends over the past year: petrol, lunches, teas, trips to the cinema and so on.

I’m just sick of it and I’m run ragged. I don’t want to be a bitchy person but, honestly, I don’t know what to do.

Please help.

Coleen says

OK, let’s deal with what your friend said first. Is there a chance she was trying to be funny and it was just misjudged and very bad timing? ­Alternatively, she could be a sociopath or just an incredibly selfish person.

The way you are as a friend – very kind, thoughtful, generous and giving – is lovely, but I think you need to ask yourself why you’re going over and above for these people.

I never think you should give purely to get something back, but these friends are giving you nothing, not even their concern and support after you’ve had a heart attack.

Your kindness is being taken for granted, so stop being so generous with your time and your money. It is not selfish or “bitchy” to prioritise your own needs and take care of yourself.

Start saving money to help with healthcare or anything else that will make your life easier and better. Start today by shifting your focus on how you can help yourself.

And if those friends disappear, then they were never friends. We can find out who our real friends are at any stage of life – I’ve been in that position myself over the years.

But although it hurts when you realise a friend isn’t who you thought they were, you get over it and maybe this is your chance to welcome better people into your life.